I woke up to the buzzing of my phone, opening it up to a text from you.  “Goodmorning sunshine, its beautiful out!  Have a wonderful day!”  I smiled, and rested my head back down on my pillow, dripping in sweat from the sun beating down on me through the open windows. The night before we had talked on the phone for a long time.  Sharing stories about our days, laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.  Before we hung up, you promised me we could go for a late night bike ride around the city tomorrow, and then said “Goodnight, Carly.”

It was summer.  There was nothing to do but be carefree and childish.  I was excited of the possibilities of the day, of the possibilities for the rest of my life.  Excited to go out and sit in the sunshine, knowing it would only be a few more hours before I could see you.  I was happy—happy just to be breathing on a day like this.

I attended a funeral that day.  Even that was strangely perfect.  Everyone cried, then smiled and laughed together, celebrating the life of a wonderful woman.  After that, we all sat around, drinking and eating until the sun set.

When I got back to my car later that night I called you right away.  At one o’clock you still hadn’t picked up, and I got the feeling that something was wrong.  I went to your apartment and called your name.  No answer.  I turned the doorknob, and it was open.  I started to walk away, maybe because I was afraid of what I would find, but never guessing it would be this.  Half way down your steps, something pulled me back, and I walked back up them for the second time and went inside.

 ————

It took all my strength to walk back down your stairs and onto the sidewalk.  I collapsed by the tree outside of your apartment.  Lights were everywhere, sirens were screaming, the police officer was holding me up by my arm, talking in my ear, but all I could hear was your voice, replaying over and over again in my mind.  “Have a wonderful day…have a wonderful day…have a wonderful day.”  And all I could think was, “You promised me we could ride bikes tonight.  You promised me you would be here.  You promised me you would always be here.” 

That was the day the sun was shining.  That was the day I felt young and alive and free.  That was the day everything was perfect.  And that was the day everything fell apart.